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About Varied / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Sapphyre (Keghan)Other/United States Group :iconoutcastsofequestria: OutcastsofEquestria
 
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Deviant for 3 Years
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Given by WoolNoon
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Paddy su by BlackFeather57 Paddy su :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 3 0 Nora su by BlackFeather57 Nora su :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 2 0 Corundum ~ Gemsona by BlackFeather57 Corundum ~ Gemsona :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 5 0 CrystalSun by BlackFeather57 CrystalSun :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 5 1 Group ID by BlackFeather57 Group ID :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 3 0 Lugia  by BlackFeather57 Lugia :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 39 0 Gaurdian  by BlackFeather57 Gaurdian :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 15 0 Pearl by BlackFeather57 Pearl :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 6 0 Steven Quartz by BlackFeather57 Steven Quartz :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 9 2 ahhhhh by BlackFeather57 ahhhhh :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 5 0 Doggo Adopt  by BlackFeather57 Doggo Adopt :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 1 0 SU Oc? by BlackFeather57 SU Oc? :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 2 2 EmoDoggos Mascot by BlackFeather57 EmoDoggos Mascot :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 3 2 Lugia by BlackFeather57 Lugia :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 22 0 Adopt! by BlackFeather57 Adopt! :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 0 0 AmyDot Ship  by BlackFeather57 AmyDot Ship :iconblackfeather57:BlackFeather57 1 0

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Creppypasta pon by BlackFeather57  Old Oc by BlackFeather57 
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. Fate and Daedra Will, Serana's Lament  by BlackFeather57  WolfCat by BlackFeather57 

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Pride

I AM PROUD

Made with pride by the DeviantArt community

Rejection, as my worst fear, the core of all my emotional issues, that is most painful in my opinion. Going from foster home to foster home, never truely knowing if the people taking you in will "truely" love and care for you out of want, instead of out of them having to because it's required by law. Bouncing from home to home, never truely knowing if that home will be permanent, or if your friends you make will stay.

Those people you considered inseparable friends, ditching you because of some fucking rumor and completely ignoring you without explanation or warning. Your best friend/crush, suddenly giving you the cold shoulder and snapping at you for saying "Das me" at something a cartoon character did on TV. Out of the blue glares that sends chills down your spine, and the feeling that you have to step to the side with your head bowed so you don't see their cold gaze that was once lit up with joy and welcoming every time they saw you walk into the room. Those venomous words as she says your name that once held a blissful chime when they laughed with you.

The dread that the family that took you in when you couldn't live with your own parents because of medical issues, doesn't even care about your mental health as they constantly point out every flaw and degrade you till you nothing more than a sobbing mess. They don't stop, even when you're shrieking at them to please stop because you feel your heart crushing itself in the attempt to stop hurting, to stop those icy words from puncturing your heart, from letting those words define who you are. When even as you've gone quite and numb, not responding as the are yelling at you two inches from your face as you stare with half-lidded dull eyes, steadily submitting to the darkness taking over your mind. Even as they tell you that they'll be happier when you are eighteen so you can leave and stop being a nuisance, you say nothing.

Looking into the back window of the car as you're being taken by CPS from your family, wondering why, but never getting the answer until you hear them say two years later that they couldn't handle you anymore.

That feeling of mistrust as you look at the people in your life and realize, you can never truely trust them to be there for you, because everyone wears a mask. Even when they chant that they are honest, you still feel that lingering doubt that they lie.

That feeling of never being enough, and knowing that you are a burden to everyone you meet. That your issues don't matter, your life doesn't matter, your feelings don't matter, your fears. Don't. Matter.

That feeling that you'll never be loved by anyone, and that realization that you are slowly fading away and no one is doing anything to stop it.

I hate myself today, for still fearing this. I just want it to stop. I relapsed and now new marks are on my skin. But not once has anyone actually asked why, they just accused me of wanting attention and being self-centered.

Yes, I hate myself. Yes, I'm currently depressed. Yes, I want to die.

deviantID

BlackFeather57's Profile Picture
BlackFeather57
Sapphyre (Keghan)
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I'm a cancer/crab
I'm a teen who is a child at heart. I love to draw, sculpt, doodle, anything art related or fantasy related...
I do traditional and digital art.
My dream is to become a well known artist who is kind and is someone people admire!
I'm hella gay and androgynous, well biologically female, but what's the fun in that?
I'm freakishly loyal and kind, but if you break mytrust or hurt my friends, you best watch your back.
Interests

Activity


Rejection, as my worst fear, the core of all my emotional issues, that is most painful in my opinion. Going from foster home to foster home, never truely knowing if the people taking you in will "truely" love and care for you out of want, instead of out of them having to because it's required by law. Bouncing from home to home, never truely knowing if that home will be permanent, or if your friends you make will stay.

Those people you considered inseparable friends, ditching you because of some fucking rumor and completely ignoring you without explanation or warning. Your best friend/crush, suddenly giving you the cold shoulder and snapping at you for saying "Das me" at something a cartoon character did on TV. Out of the blue glares that sends chills down your spine, and the feeling that you have to step to the side with your head bowed so you don't see their cold gaze that was once lit up with joy and welcoming every time they saw you walk into the room. Those venomous words as she says your name that once held a blissful chime when they laughed with you.

The dread that the family that took you in when you couldn't live with your own parents because of medical issues, doesn't even care about your mental health as they constantly point out every flaw and degrade you till you nothing more than a sobbing mess. They don't stop, even when you're shrieking at them to please stop because you feel your heart crushing itself in the attempt to stop hurting, to stop those icy words from puncturing your heart, from letting those words define who you are. When even as you've gone quite and numb, not responding as the are yelling at you two inches from your face as you stare with half-lidded dull eyes, steadily submitting to the darkness taking over your mind. Even as they tell you that they'll be happier when you are eighteen so you can leave and stop being a nuisance, you say nothing.

Looking into the back window of the car as you're being taken by CPS from your family, wondering why, but never getting the answer until you hear them say two years later that they couldn't handle you anymore.

That feeling of mistrust as you look at the people in your life and realize, you can never truely trust them to be there for you, because everyone wears a mask. Even when they chant that they are honest, you still feel that lingering doubt that they lie.

That feeling of never being enough, and knowing that you are a burden to everyone you meet. That your issues don't matter, your life doesn't matter, your feelings don't matter, your fears. Don't. Matter.

That feeling that you'll never be loved by anyone, and that realization that you are slowly fading away and no one is doing anything to stop it.

I hate myself today, for still fearing this. I just want it to stop. I relapsed and now new marks are on my skin. But not once has anyone actually asked why, they just accused me of wanting attention and being self-centered.

Yes, I hate myself. Yes, I'm currently depressed. Yes, I want to die.
Does anyone like my artwork enough to commission? Or at least some interest?
70%
7 deviants said Interested.. but expensive
30%
3 deviants said YES!
0%
No deviants said Nah.
0%
No deviants said Other? (Comment below)

Does anyone like my artwork enough to commission? Or at least some interest? 

70%
7 deviants said Interested.. but expensive
30%
3 deviants said YES!
0%
No deviants said Nah.
0%
No deviants said Other? (Comment below)

THAR BE DRAGONS!

Alright, dragon time!!
Post your dragons!

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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconjwiesner:
JWiesner Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2017  Professional
:iconbowingplz: Thank you so much for the +Watch! I really appreciate it.

Have a nice day! ^-^
Reply
:iconblackfeather57:
BlackFeather57 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome
Reply
:iconjasphoto123:
jasphoto123 Featured By Owner May 27, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch!!HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA 
Reply
:iconblackfeather57:
BlackFeather57 Featured By Owner May 28, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconsleepydemonmonster:
SleepyDemonMonster Featured By Owner May 15, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
thanks for the watch <3
Reply
:iconblackfeather57:
BlackFeather57 Featured By Owner May 15, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome! I love your art!
Reply
:iconsleepydemonmonster:
SleepyDemonMonster Featured By Owner May 21, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
awwwwwwwwwww <3 <3 ,3 Hug 
Reply
:iconkatsanddragons:
KatsandDragons Featured By Owner May 7, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're so talented :D
Keep up the great work 👍
Reply
:iconblackfeather57:
BlackFeather57 Featured By Owner May 8, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconkatsanddragons:
KatsandDragons Featured By Owner May 10, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome :3
Reply
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